Woooo! Go Narris!

[Nobody]

Hey, um, I'm writing a story type thingy at the moment, is it ok if I put up an extract? I've only written about 50 pages so far, but i want to know if what i'm writing is complete crap and if I'm really just wasting valuable time.
It's a fantasy, multi-narrative thingy and it's about some people. (I think saying 'duh' here would be a leeeeettle predictable)

[cattyc]

That would be great if you could put up an extract! Is it fanfiction or your original fiction?
Either way I'd read it.

[Nobody]

Yeah, I write original stuff, this is my first longish thingy that I've written though. I only really started writing because someone told me I couldn't do it, so, natrually, I have to prove them wrong. He he. I'd also like to prove my dad wrong because he says I'd be wasted doing anything to do with art or literacy, he still wants me to be a vet. Pah..... I don't know how he can talk anyway, he's just about to get his fourth book published.
ANYWAY, I'll post an extract when I find one that's not crap.....

[Nobody]

OMG, what a letdown, I just counted and I only wrote 43 pages. How long is a book anyway?
My first chapter is a bit mmmmmm, but I'll put up the start of the second chapter, I don't want to put up much, cos it really sucks.
OK, the basics to start off with.......
The Vaprie are a small group of genetically evolved humans who inherit particular powers from either of the Vaprie parents. Vapries are all made up of energies; good and evil, nobody is pure good or pure evil......
Vaprie seperate themselves into two clans, The Ferrin; who have dominantly evil energies and The Krith; who have dominantly good energies. Nothing is clear cut, we're not talking sterotypes here.
A Shallame is a VERY rare Vaprie who has totally balanced energies. Only about 3 or 4 turn up each half millennium or so, they have the unique power to choose their clan.
Any character that I narrate as are all Vaprie.
I hope all that makes sense.......

[Nobody]

OK, here goes...
[glow=white,2,300]LORETTA[/glow]
'Ryan, can you please tell me where we're going?' I moaned. He said nothing, just carried on walking a little too quickly for me. I jogged ahead and stood right in front of him, blocking his path. 'Tell me.'
'Look Loretta, can you stop bugging me? I'm trying to think here!' Ryan snapped at me. He stepped around me and carried on. I pouted and walked sulkily around him. I dug my hands deep inside the pockets of my baby blue, zip-up hoodie. Almost eight months ago, we had been the closest of friends, but but it all changed when he was captured by the Ferrin. They had only had him for about two weeks, but it had altered his personality dramitacally. He had become detatched from everything around him, I had noticed that he burried himself in his job and stopped talking to me about anything much. I missed the old, friendlier Ryan.
Noticing that he was quite a way ahead of me, I stopped shuffeling and ran to catch him up. As I slowed down next to him next to him, he evened his pace a little and put his arm around my shoulders. I smiled up at him, but his gaze was fixed on the muddy track that we were walking along.
After a while of walking in mind numbing silence, |I finally sighed 'It's getting dark.'
'I know,' Ryan replied, 'it won't take much longer.'
'If you bothered to tell me what was going on then I might not have to keep annoying you...'; I muttered angrily. We had reached the edge of a small woods and followed the old bridal track into it.
Ryan took his hand from around me and folded hisarms across his chest. 'We are to meet with somebody from The Ferrin.' He said it as if it was something we did every day. To kill one of them was one thing, but to 'meet' with one was completely different.
'Who?'
'I know nothing of the,' he said quietly, 'Arvi didn't tell me much.'
'Arvi knows about this?!?' I was shocked. Why hadn't he told me about this. I hated being kept in the dark.
Ryan looked at my sideways. 'Do you really think Arvi wouldn't know.' I sighed, I could ask Arvi about it later.
'Joshua was killed last night, we are going to meet with the Vaprie responsible.'
I gasped. Joshua was Arvi's senior advisor and highly important to The Krith. Somebody so high up was unlikely to be taken out easily. This was going to be dangerous. I gulped...............

[Nobody]

......'We set the conditions of no violence, anyway' he said to me. I wasn't convinced.
We had arrived in a clearing in the woods and I watched Ryan sit down on a rock. I settled myself next to him. 'It's not that I don't trust your judgement, I just can't trust anyone from The Ferrinto agree to those terms.'
'It's not a matter of trust,' he said firmly, not looking at me, 'We are only here for information... But I have taken precautions, of course...' He took two bronze blades out of his jeans pocket. He had told me not to take any weapons earlier, so I didn't see what was so different about these. All the same, I took the one he handed me and placed it in my pocket.
'Your conditions were to come unarmed, so typical that you should break them yourself.' A womans voice called from behind us. We spun around to see a sillouhetted figure leaning idlelly on a tree.

[Duchessa]

oooooh, wowowowowowow. v. kwl! carry on!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

[Nobody]

yay! replys! ty, i'd put more, but i cant be bothered to spend another hour typing it up. (i may do sometime)

[Neliana]

I've been told that a book is 60+ pages... by the way, have you ever thought of participating in Nanowrimo? (www.nanowrimo.org)
It's almost over for this year, but it's lovely!

[cattyc]

very interesting. i'd like to read some more, if u can be bothered with typing a little more. whats the title of this story?

[Nobody]

I don't really have a name yet, but if you have any suggestions...

[Nobody]

ok, so i may have gone into one of my crazed rages in which i destroy everything in sight. And my story was in sight. I am such a idiot.
On the plus side, i've started to write short stuff, poems and that on the comp so i cant destroy them. yay.

[Nobody]

This i wrote about a year ago, and it's probably the best poem i ever wrote. it's not heavy or deep like any other stuff i write, but, hey! It's about an ancient roman gladiatrix. i feel a kind of unexplainable connecting withgladiators and stuff...

The Gladiatrix

She stands. Waiting
Her breath is steady
Her hair stands on end,
She knows she’s ready.

Adrenalin rushes,
Her pulse is racing
She knows her opponent
She will soon be facing.

A nameless warrior,
She has no face
A lifetime of pain,
And an empty space.

Death is her art,
Death is her game,
Death is her gift
To her it’s the same.

She thinks of the days
In the baking hot sun
The practice paid off,
She’s totally at one.

As swift as the wind,
As strong as a horse she must be
As cunning as a snake,
And as steady as a tree.

She’s never had a friend,
Never known true love
Pure and untouched
Yet stained with blood.

Outside she is a misfit,
Never heard or seen,
No longer the freak,
But here she is a queen

Light seeps from the frame,
Of the huge, wooden door
Illuminates her features,
Leaves an eerie shadow on the floor.

The door is opened
By four strong slaves,
Is today the day
She’ll meet her final grave?

The midday light is blinding,
Her eyes begin to adjust.
This is what she’s been waiting for
With anticipation and bloodlust.

She takes a slow step
Onto the hot colesseum sand,
A mask across her face,
And a sword held in her hand.

The crowd howls loudly
With suspense and with lust,
She slowly makes her way
Through the thick and humid dust.

A smile creeps across her blood red lips
On the horizon a glimmer of the new
And yet she knows,
This is what she was born to do

[Duchessa]

ooooh hey that woz reely good!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo